Create your Own Language, Procrastinate In Tongues

If or when you ever someday procreate small procrastinators, don’t do that thing that Dr. Spok parents do when they don’t want their kids to understand what they’re saying, spell the words out. “I think it’s time for Billy’s N-A-P”, when I was a kid nothing motivated me more to learn how to read than the thought that I could decode my mother’s cryptic messages. The first time I busted the jig wide open it made me prouder than any grade I ever got in school, however I had other options besides phonics- I could have invented my own language.

There are so many advantages that come with being your own Webster it’s hard to identify them all. The girl who sits in front of you in your Philosophy class who gives you dirty looks, now you can call her some colorful names while she’s 6 inches away. You want to leave the girl your friend setup you up with that has a face like golden retriever, tell your buddy without hurting her feelings. People will think you will brilliant and you will take credit at every opportunity possible. If your language sounds cool enough it may catch on, you could be creating the next Pig Latin.

Here is a website that gives an outline for creating a language that is both fun and intricate in order for it to be spoken for hundreds of years to come. So wait to pay those bills until you figured out a word for “fun” in Britzzanese.

http://www.zompist.com/kit.html

 

If they could do it, you have no excuse. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JmA2ClUvUY&feature=player_embedded#at=44

Recycle, Reuse, Procrastinate

Whatever form of creationism you chose to believe, it cannot be argued if you’re on BlogSpot right now you’re alive somewhere on planet earth. It seems the new trend to be eco –friendly and to decrease your carbon foot print is the new “Can you believe the Knicks last night?” in most hipster circles. If you’re one of those people who refuses to engage in activities based on the simple premise that “everyone else is doing it”, take a look around and be grateful that the planet you’re sitting on has given you such magnificent things as Snapple (made from the best stuff on earth) and the ingredients for the $12 salad you paid for last night at Applebee’s- so take care of it.

 In light of the contributions Mother Nature has provided you with and asks for nothing in return, take your excessive amount of wasted time and make some reusable everyday items. You don’t have to be an interior designer, an architect, frankly you don’t even need to have the slightest shred of style- all you need is the creativity of your mind and the massive amounts of cluttering waste that you have accumulated over your commercial consumer driven buying lifetime (okay, okay enough of the hipster guilt). Here are some great examples of people who put their time to better use by creating some reusable everyday items that would make Mother Nature so thrilled she would buy you and your friends a round of Patron shots, in reusable shot glasses of course.

Build A Tree House, Procrastinate At Higher Altitudes

 

 

I was never a very jealous child, I shared my toys and took turns on the merry-go-round but nothing sent me into more envious rage then when I saw a kid with a tree house. When you’re a kid you have little independence, your room is your palace, office, and innersactum. I could never wrap my mind around having a space to call my own where nobody could tell me what to do, even if it was located roughly 15 feet from my house and the walls were made out of bark, the concept was still amazing. So if you’re putting off whatever is your supposed to be doing, now that you’re a little bit older, try capturing back some of the youthful desires you had when you thought you’re third grade teacher was  the meanest possible human alive. Here is a website which provides all the instructions for proper tree house building, whether boys or girls are allowed is at your own discretion.

http://www.thetreehouseguide.com/workflow.htm

 

I cannot stress enough the importance of safety. If you did this project when you were nine like those kids in the ABC sitcoms you would have your dad handling all the logistics and you would be focusing on the bonding process while your mother served you peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. What those shows conveniently left out, is wood and bolts without proper support 30 feet in the air, inside of a tree can result in you becoming the leading story on your local news station.

Teach Your Dog New Trick- Even Man’s Best Friend Needs a Distraction Now and Then

There are a multitude of external distractions when you have something to important to do, but none can be more downright lovable than your dog. You may think that he or she has learned all that a collie can in the 7 years you’ve owned them (49 in dog years) but I guarantee that there’s more than “roll over” up their sleeve/paw. It’s smart to keep realistic objectives, a bulldog won’t be able to do your physics homework regardless of how hard you teach him but teaching your dog a new trick could bring more benefits than you think.

GUYS- Every girl requires having the smile surgically removed from her face when you show her a picture of a dog, any dog. Start out with a picture on your phone, then move to a video posted online, and soon enough she’ll want to come over and see the new trick in person, which will make you the luckiest guy shopping at Petco.

GIRLS- You have to remember who you’re working with here. Guys like anything that keep their brains amused for more than 3 seconds so even if your dog’s trick isn’t all that fascinating, if you can get him to take his eyes off his Call of Duty game, you’ve already won.