Make A Friend At A Toll Booth, The Confessions of A Traveling Procrastinator

There are certain man made inventions that I will never support based purely on principal. MP3 players make it so a person never truly knows what artists they love because they have 2,000 songs on shuffle, self check outs take jobs away from workers since people are not patient enough to wait for an employee to swipe their can of creamed corn, and the E-Z Pass eliminates human contact all together turning people into cyborgs with no sense of common courtesy. Toll booths have this air of romance about them that can’t exactly be articulated, you speed through, smile, and if life hasn’t jaded you completely you tell them to have a nice day. If you’re trolling the internet for your future mate, you may have already handed them a folded dollar bill and never even looked up. In an effort to put off the thing that really isn’t that hard to do in the first place but you’ve built it up so much in your mind, you would rather be in a traumatic car accident so you could suffer a head injury and hope for short term memory loss- make a friend at a toll booth. Maybe learn their name, a simple “have a lovely day”, or if there isn’t a lot of traffic get their number.

This applies to both men and women- if you can get a person’s number at a toll booth; you have mastered the highest level of pickups and you deserve to have a statue erected in your honor.

GENTLEMAN- If you are speeding through a narrow garden State Parkway lane and have the ability with your pure charm alone to persuade the opposite sex into providing you with her cellular phone number, you deserve to brag to your friends. You should brag until they get the number of their favorite centerfold because in essence the tasks are equally as challenging, except you’re breathing in a little more carbon monoxide.

LADIES- If you find yourself being asked for your phone number in an average situation, you normally shrug and wish the person would find another victim to verbally harass but let’s look at the context more closely. The person must have seen the sides of at least 5,000 women’s heads in that day alone and yours for whatever reason stood out. You are a rare and delicate jewel, be proud and return your    E-Z Pass immediately.